💔 What They Didn’t See

💔 What They Didn’t See

When I finished building my website, I was proud.

Not “regular proud”—not the kind of proud you feel when you bake something nice or finish a project.

This was survival-proud.

This was I-built-this-out-of-my-own-broken-body proud.

This was I-haven’t-had-a-reason-to-look-forward-to-anything-in-years-and-I-just-created-an-actual-business-with-my-story-at-the-center proud.

And I shared it with people who’ve known what I’ve been through.

I thought they would be excited.

I thought maybe they’d say, “I’m proud of you.”

Instead of sharing in the success.. they took the opportunity to go through every word and find every problem… pick it apart, and bring it to my attention. The conversation didnt start with Congrats, this is great! It started with. “well I was on this page and why is this here and why does it say this and this link doesnt work” (and just for a notation… these are all things that have to do with selling internationally specifically in the EU… absolutely no anything to do with these people… nothing they ever need to read.. but this is what they chose to pick a fight over instead of saying “well done”.

They continued condescendingly questioned my choices.

They told me I shouldn’t be selling internationally because “I dont know anything and I have to look into it”. (To my viewers: Of course, I looked into, and discussed it with other professionals it before deciding to sell internationally).

They accused me of choosing a cheap printing company (without even asking for the name of it… just assuming whatever it is is low quality), and then putting me down for not framing, and printing everything manually myself. In fact this is the best example:
1. How in the world am I supposed to make art if im spending all my time printing, shipping, and doing that side of the business?

2. I started this to distract me from pain. To do art. I never planned to sell my work. So you want to take away that… and just give me stress? Just to hurt me?

They made me feel like I had to defend myself for something I poured my soul into. That I researched to death. That I reached out to other artists to see what they did. That I paid for a certification to learn.

With these two… It doesnt matter because it’s me. It’s Dana.. and to these people, no matter what I do… it’s wrong. It’s not good enough. There is never credibility. There is never praise. There is only criticism, negativity, and the suggestion I should quit because “I am not capable enough”

And in that moment, all of that fragile pride crumbled under their criticism.

My confidence was shattered.

But here’s what they didn’t see:

They didn’t see the months I spent too sick to move.

They didn’t see the years of pain, the grief, the trauma, the loss.

They didn’t see me teaching myself to paint from a bed.

They didn’t see the hours of building and rebuilding when I could barely think straight.

They didn’t see the tears of staring at a computer screen that was killing me, sending sharp pains through my eyeballs and skull… that I needed to stand every few minutes and refocus.

They didn’t see how hard it was to keep choosing life.

They didn’t see that this wasn’t a “website.”

This was a resurrection.

It's not that they didnt see. They just dont care. It’s not “perfect enough for them”. And now I have my own concerns, things I already researched, thought of… did my due diligence on. Well, now that confidence is gone.

I wish I could give them the benefit of the doubt and say they didnt see those things - but they did. Earlier this year, “I wasnt good enough” because I wasnt going to get the company off the ground until 2026. I was made to feel SO badly about that, my limited capacity. I was made to feel that my limits make me worthless…. and that puts me into a very suicidal state. Whats the point of me being here, it’s the best I can do - if thats never going to be good enough…. well maybe it would be easier if I wasn’t here. What the hell am I doing down here in extreme pain every single day, made to feel worthless when all my friends are having a party up in heaven???

Well - I worked hard through blood and sweat and did it. Now that it’s done, I was so happy and so excited… they put the entire thing down. My confidence is shattered.

Truthfully - I havent done any further work. It’s done, it’s sitting at the printers ready to be added - and I havent. Ive lost the excitement I had, the desire to come up with ideas… sharing my story. So instead of doing the business launch today that I worked SO HARD FOR and am so excited for, i’ll be crying (in 10/10 pain) on my couch.

It’s so much easier to put someone down to make you feel big.

It’s so easy to bully.

It’s so easy to look at a very blessed life and put someone who is struggling down, as they dont have what you have.

And this is the result.

The launch of Dove Recovery Art has been postponed from 4/7/25 and is now on hold.

The store will be available once the business opens, until then no art will be made or sold.

With Love,

Dana and Nicky.